I am NOT Canadian

I was travelling in the bus to work today listening to my radio, and the funniest parody song came on. It was 'You gotta learn French' to the tune of 'You gotta have Faith, faith, Faith' by Boy George I think.

Anyway, it reminded me I wanted to put up the lyrics to the Quebec parody of the Molson 'I am Canadian' rant.

The ' I am NOT Canadian'. Here it is, it is hilarious!!!

I am not Canadian

I'm not unemployed, or smuggling cigarette [sic] across the border.
I don't eat Pepsi and Mae Wests for breakfast.
I don't watch the hockey game doin' it doggie style.
And non, I don't know Claude, Manon or François in Abitibi - Témiscamingue;
but I'm sure dey all 'ave nice teeth.
I smoke in church.
I speak Québecois and Joual; not French or Hanglish [sic];
and I pronounce it 'turd', not 'third'.
And eating french fries with cheese makes sense, mon hostie;
I believe in [the] distinct society – as long as someone else pays for it.
I believe in language police, not equal rights.
And, calice, I believe that "Club Super Sexe" is an appropriate place for my wife and me to celebrate our anniversaire!
What da hell, she goes on at ten, anyway!
In Québec, the Stanley Cup actually comes round more often than Halley's Comet.
I can get beer at the dépanneur, not at the convenience store.
And maybe I can't turn right on a red light, but, tabarnac, I can go right through it!
Because Québec is the world's largest producer of maple syrup, the 'ome of Céline Dion and Roch Voisine;
The land where everybody is shackin' up, and the legal drinking age is just a suggestion.
Je m'appelle Guy - and I am not Canadian. (Mautadit tabarnac hostie...)