What if...?

Ok, It is no secret that I have been doing alot of self-reflection lately, and thinking about the next steps in my life.

So one of the questions I have asked myself is if someone said to me; Maz... If I could let you do anything you wanted with your life, what would be your dream job...

My internal answer - I would love to have my own TV show.

Ok, doesnt sound too amazing, doesnt sound too impacting.... but when I think of what makes me come alive, this is what comes to my mind.

I would love to have a TV show that brought real issues to people in an entertaining and fun way, inspiring people to act, to think, to do things that they never believed possible. I would love to have an audience that spans throughout the world, and to have the job of being me, being Mazzy and bringing these people into contact with new people, new experiences through the time that we would spend with each other through the TV.

I would like to have access to they way people think, and a medium to communicate things of importance but easily chewable to the everyday person....

Don,t get me wrong, I would love to have the JOY company.... but I am not sure if the JOY company is just a manifestation of this dream.... because when it comes down to it I think I am really a performer at heart.

I mean I have thought at length about why I loved Chicago so much, and alot of it comes down to the fact the chair role felt natural... a role that is perform, talk to people, entertain....

Could it be that I am a performer at heart? I mean when I was little maybe I was more aware of this. I used to gather the extended family and put on shows for the adults. I would get all the youngsters to do different talent acts etc... Maybe I was on the right track when I was 8.... maybe I need to get on that track again.

When I think about it, my favourite show is The Actors Studio. I watch it relentlessly. My favourite thing to do is go to the movies, or the theatre, or live acts. My favourite people are usually ultra expressive in nature.

Wow... I am not sure really. One thing I think is for sure, I am not the type that should be working in a multinational organisation.... I just think that maybe it is not for me. But what then? So my dream is to have a TV show... to be in the entertainment business, do I follow that now? Or do I work in another area I love... like people development (a path I am on at the moment) and take up lots of creative interests on the side.

Then again, my favourite quote comes to mind. Do what makes you come alive, because what the world needs is more people who have come alive.... I mean entertaining and performing is what really makes me come alive. I guess in some way thats why I am in training, it is a sort of means of theatre. It contains an audience, it allows me to be on stage and communicare a message. Is it an excuse? A band-aid? An easy option instead of following what could be my real calling?

Its strange. Sometimes I feel like there are two Mazzys.... no I am not dilusional... it is just that one Mazzy is the artsy one, the performer, the dreamer, the theatre buff and the other one is the career one, the go for a multnational, the get more money, the stay abroad. Am I making any sense? Maybe not.... but I am definately in a thinking mood.

I will now log off and spend some time with cool music pondering on these thoughts.....

I LOVE having a blog to put these thoughts down, consolidating what I think and feel.