Go Canada...
These questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website.
1. Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do theplants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit aroundwatching them die.
2. Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
3. Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I followthe railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water. . .
4. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A: So its true what they say about Swedes.
5. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver.(Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.
6. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a listof them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
7. Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing inCanada? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south ofEurope. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North . . . oh forget it.Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.
8. Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here andwe'll send the rest of the directions.
9. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
10. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y,which is. . . oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesdaynight in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come
11. Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE don\'t stink.
12. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Canada? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
13. Q: Can you tell me the regions on British Columbia where the femalepopulation is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
14. Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter gatherers.Milk is illegal.
15. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Canada who candispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: All Canadian rattle snakes are perfectly harmless, and can be safelyhandled and make good pets.
16. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but Iforget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent - eatingthe brains of anyone walking too close to them. You can scare them off byspraying yourself with human urine before you go walking.
17. Q: I was in Canada in 1969 on R&R, and I want to contact the girl Idated while I was staying in Surrey, BC. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.20.
18. Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first
1. Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do theplants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit aroundwatching them die.
2. Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
3. Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I followthe railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water. . .
4. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A: So its true what they say about Swedes.
5. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver.(Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.
6. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a listof them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
7. Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing inCanada? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south ofEurope. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North . . . oh forget it.Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.
8. Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here andwe'll send the rest of the directions.
9. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
10. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y,which is. . . oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesdaynight in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come
11. Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE don\'t stink.
12. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Canada? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
13. Q: Can you tell me the regions on British Columbia where the femalepopulation is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
14. Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter gatherers.Milk is illegal.
15. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Canada who candispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: All Canadian rattle snakes are perfectly harmless, and can be safelyhandled and make good pets.
16. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but Iforget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent - eatingthe brains of anyone walking too close to them. You can scare them off byspraying yourself with human urine before you go walking.
17. Q: I was in Canada in 1969 on R&R, and I want to contact the girl Idated while I was staying in Surrey, BC. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.20.
18. Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first
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