People, Challenge, Innovation

Had an interesting realisation the other day.

I was thinking about work, my experience, what I liked and what I do not like.... and I thought, how can I explain this to my boss. How do I share what I am feeling but in a way that someone elso can understand me, without having known me for a long period.

In this moment, I came to a very clear understanding of me when it comes to work.

For me to be most happy in any work environment, regardless of the role or the work, I need to have the following in place:

1. People
2. Challenge
3. Innovation/Ideas

People.

I love and need to work with people. My energy comes from interaction with others, and roles that require intensive computer work or minimal interaction are simply not for me. I am also at my best when I am with others, and I feel my strengths more easily come to the surface. Put simply, I feel most 'me'.

Challenge.

I like things that challenge me strategically or creatively. I like that feeling of solving a problem, coming up with solutions.

Innovation.

I am fundamentally an ideas person. I like to think quickly on a problem, I like to pioneer and must confess I am a person that wants to reinvent the wheel - and that can be bad but I LOVE the feeling of creating something new, something that has never existed before or is in a new format.

When I was younger, the absence of any one of these would cause me to be really demotivated in the work I was doing. I always longed for ALL three to be in place. But I can say that now, I am happy or I can manage the situation as long as one of these is present.

If all are absent, that is I am faced with a reality that is:

1. Task
2. Mundane/routine
3. Implementation/Logsitics

I find myself in an abyss of workplace unhappiness...

I explained this to my boss, and he got it instantly, so we are readjusting the way we work to involve more people aspects, more interaction and after a good chat with Asha and Zoe I am armed with more ideas to bring my ideal experience, and also intrinsically my loves and strengths, more to the forefront at ABN AMRO.

Kristin Kristin Kristin

Mailed Photos
Originally uploaded by Mazzy.

OI OI OI!!

Unfortunately I missed your German Party, but wanted to say... I WILL BE VISITING SOON!

Hope you had an amazing night!

Hugs Mazzy xx

According to the stars...

"...This is an excellent week to determine your next goal and the direction in which you want to go. Some research may be necessary but right now you are good at it. You could volunteer for a new responsibility now as you feel you have extra time..."

I have to confess that I am a person that reads my daily horoscope. Actually I usually read them for whoever is around me in the office at the start of each day. And I have a policy of taking the average interpretation of three different websites - to get the most clear picture naturally ;-)

I do it for fun, and don't take it terribly seriously.

But today this one spoke to me - maybe because I am looking for things that are not really there, that I want to intepret it this way because it suits well with my feelings at the current time.

At any rate, it gave me a sense of confirmation for my feelings and thoughts this week.

Yeah, I know.... I can be really hippie sometimes ;-)

Inspiration

What inspires me?

* A discusson about life or people connections
* A book that teaches me something
* People who follow their dreams
* Standing on a beach, watching the ocean
* Connecting with a new person
* Re-Connecting with an old friend
* The sense of living and being alive.

Loving + Learning

I want to add something.... and to set some people's minds at rest:

I am LOVING AMSTERDAM!!

Seriously I am.

I am also very much enjoying my work environment, and team.

I am just having alot of realisations.

And that is a good thing.

So don't worry guys, I am more than happy I am here, and it is opening my eyes to more things about myself and my future, things I think I subconsciously knew but have now come like a brick in my face.

But really life is all good... I mean it.

Learning

I am learning alot, but about myself.

Still loving the experience of working here, although the rose tint is definately leaving at a rapid speed.

One thing that has really impressed itself upon me is that I know that an office job is not for me.

I am not the person that can sit for hours behind a computer. It drains me of all my energy.

I REALLY am a people person, and a stage person.

I am the most alive (in all senses of the word) when I am in front of people - performing, sharing stories, training, teaching), and also when I am working with people in a hands on fashion. Although I love the strategic elements of corporate HR, I think my greater love is the connection with people that it seems is to be found in a different forum.

I needed this learning.

Otherwise I would have always wondered....

Hair Matters

Guess what?

I have the softest, most lovely smelling hair in the world.

Why?

Last night, I got paid.

My first step: Go to the supermarket and get some Herbal Essence Shampoo and Conditioner

For the last month my hair has lacked lustre due to a cheap 2 in 1 that I have been using due to financial constraints (read poverty if you want) ...

... now those days are behind me.

I know it sounds sooooo insubstantial, but washing my hair last night was really SUCH a treat!

What makes a good strategic meeting?

I would imagine...

- A good agenda
- Time keeping
- Good atmosphere
- Achieving objectives
- Everyone contributing
- Some level of energy

Just a few things that come to my mind.

None of which were strongly present at my strategic meeting today.

Is my mouth still open from shock?

Sorry ... [shutting it now]

I think that I am starting to observe more through the glasses I got for my honeymoon here... :-)

So

... could the following people please stand up:

Alfy Lay
Robin Goel
Samantha Robinson
Kim Godwin
Maja Danielak
Kristin Greminger
Marty Bosman

No longer can you be silent blog observers.

It is time for you to get grooving with your own writings and thoughts on YOUR OWN BLOG!

I am hanging out for you all to go online..

DO IT!

Any other words of support for these people?

(Actually I was also going to say Peter Tandrup but THAT would be more than a miracle ;-))

The Upside

relaxing
Originally uploaded by Mazzy.

One of the best things about not having a television, is that in the last weeks I have been rediscovering different ways to entertain myself. Things that I used to do when I was younger, to keep myself busy...

Music: I have been really listening to music again with an increased ferocity. In the morning when I wake up, and again before I go to sleep I lie in bed thinking, and daydreaming to whatever music takes my fancy. I am in an Opera stage lately, I find it relaxes me.

Drawing: I am using my artists pencil set, and drawing again. I am going to get a new scapbook as soon as I get paid, but this is also something gives me alot of relaxing, and I can pass hours with drawing, and painting.

Reading: Finally read 'The Little Prince' the other day. But getting again into more books, more magazines, more of the written word.

Walking: Since I lost my bus pass and need to get another one tomorrow, I have been walking around the city alot. And I have to say, walking across the bridges of all the Canal streets here in Amsterdam is more than beatiful.

So, although I miss movies (yeah I am a movie buff), I am finding time without television is being very fruitful.

Awwwwww

Love, originally uploaded by Mazzy.

Looking at this picture makes me feel warm and fuzzy.

Reminds me of one of my favourite lines from Moulin Rouge...

" The greatest thing you'll ever learn Is to love and be loved in return "

Vague Awareness

Silence, originally uploaded by Mazzy.

I am not sure if this happens to anyone else or not, but I have noticed that lately when I am really tired I become more aware of myself periphially then when I am energised.

What I mean by that is that I seem to be so much more in tune with what is happening in my surroundings in some strange vague way. Smells seem stronger, noises louder, things almost moving in slow motion.

It is a weird state to be in.

Sometimes when I am very very tired, and lacking even the motivation to talk, I find the silence to be even noisier than usual.

A loud silence.

hmmmm.... just a thought.

Mum

You are amazing, and I know we will talk soon.

Love you.

LOVING the Irish

It never ceases to amaze me how much I love Irish people, Irish music, Irish pubs etc. Last night, after a big decision making process, Mic and I decided to ditch the ABN AMRO YBA Beach Party, in favour of an Irish going away night.

It was a good decision, with the result being that I had one of the best experiences here since I arrived. I met a bunch of new amazing people outside of AIESEC (which I was hoping to do), many of whom were Irish.

We went to a good Irish Pub near Dam centre, and partied the night away.

I think Mic has some photo evidence of it, which I will try and get my hands on soon...

Tonight?

RECOVERY TIME.

Chilling out at home, probably write a letter or something and listen to some Opera.

Beach Party or Irish Pub

So Mic and I are currently in a bind....

Beach Party or Irish Pub.

We are not sure exactly what we should do.... forces pulling us in both directions....

Should we BBQ?
Should we Beer?
Should we socialise with other workers?
or new people?

The questions are intense.
The time is running out.

What to do, what to do, what to do......

I think I will consult the magical 8 ball for the best solution...

The only shot I have...

Amsterdam goodbye 034, originally uploaded by Mazzy.

... so this is after the party last weekend.

Mic on the left
Maz on the right

Sisters of Random at ABN AMRO

Random Moments

Today Mic (Irish Trainee) and I decided that we would start RANDOM MOMENTS.

These random moments are intended to drive energy throughout the day.

So at 3pm, a noted low time, we both went to level 24, the conference room and initiated (in complete privacy), some random singing and dancing.

Refreshed we visited the other trainees in the building, and greeted them with huge hugs.

Gotta love it when Captain Random visits !

Something about the word 'BANK'...

Ok, I LOVE my team.

I LOVE my department.

I LOVE my work.

I LOVE my 'guardians'.

BUT-

....something in me shudders everytime someone asks me if I am a member of the Young Bankers Association.

... after attending a whole day workshop on sustainability, the continual reference to the core business of the bank as 'making profit' was more than unrattling to me when the point was repeated over and over.

... I find myself to be more than just a little creative. People walk by my desk staring, and the other day in a meeting I was asked to 'go slower' because they usually do not see many diagrams in presentations. Hmmm ok, presentation? Guys I thought this was a meeting....

I found myself wandering in the session on financial transparency today thinking 'Mazzy, what are you doing here? You are not supposed to be in the financial services sector'.

It's weird to realise again, but good.

There is no way I am staying more than 6 months, but I am enjoying my time and the people. It would just be better if it was for an organisation that I actually believed in.

Meet Tom from Washington

Amsterdam goodbye 016, originally uploaded by Mazzy.

My Soul brother.

Imagine someone that:

LOVES MUSICALS
IS A LITTLE WACKY
CREATIVITY 200%
SINGS AND DANCES AT RANDOM
LIVES IN HIS OWN LITTLE WORLD

Maybe you can see why we absolutely get on famously from the moment we met!

This boy has been a soul brother in Amsterdam, but alas he has returned to Washington on the weekend.

Babe, I already miss you!

Amsterdam goodbye 018, originally uploaded by Mazzy.

Amsterdam goodbye 015, originally uploaded by Mazzy.

Amsterdam goodbye 012, originally uploaded by Mazzy.

Friends from afar ... !!

Simply Sisters, originally uploaded by Mazzy.

Thanks Sofie for giving me the BIGGEST SMILE today when I came into work ;-)

Your email touched me deeply.

LOVING MY SIMPLY SISTER!

A little dream...

Dream, originally uploaded by Mazzy.

I had a dream last night where I was at the ABN AMRO young bankers drinks, and the CEO rocked up.

I went up to him to ask him for feedback on my company, I explained it to him in detail over dinner.

He agreed to meet with me every two weeks to give me feedback, and make it happen.

This is the first time I have ever really dreamed about my organisation, and the steps.

Maybe it is a sign that it is getting closer.

Or clearer at least.

Ponderings

What I love about Netherlands...

# Effecient Transport.
# Sausage Rolls.
# Fast Paced Atmosphere.
# Centrality.
# The People.

What I miss about Canada...

# Variety of Food,
# Canadian Accent.
# Quebecois Music.
# Maison de Fou.
# The People.

I was actually going to embelish upon these points but no time to do so at the moment.

All signs point to a Maz Day

So....

I had intentions of interacting with humanity today but it seems they have been abandoned.

Forcibly.

I have no money.
I have no phone charger.
Hence I have no phone access.
I have no money on it anyway, so its pointless.
I dont know where people are meeting
Éven if I did, I could not partipate as I have no money.

Its a vicious cycle.

Anyway, as such I have dedicated this as a Mazzy day.

The day when I will write letters home, sort out my stuff, and relax with a book.

It seems like the best use of the situation.

Countdown

I want to eat healthy...

I would love a stir-fry....

I would love some vegetables....

But have you ever noticed how it is vertially impossible to eat healthy with little money.

That is my current scenario.... Oh what it will feel like after I get my first pay cheque at ABN AMRO....

Gosh, I can hardly wait!

Only 1 more week to go... :-)

The Crazy Period

I love that time in a country when you are just new to everything. The people, the culture, the sights, the sounds, the life. It is the period when everything is exciting, when the simple thought of walking down the street to get some shopping from an unknown supermarket gets your spirits pumping.

Things are not normal.

Things are not natural.

Things are fresh and crazy.

THAT is Amsterdam for me at the moment.

Many people have been asking me - when will I update my blog? what is happening with me? Can I send an email?

Hmmmm I wish I could but things have been so intense and hectic.

Almost every hour has a plan, event, meeting or sleep attached to it.

To be honest though, I am insanely happy. Asides from the fact of missing a certain Canadian person, I am full of life here in Holland.

And since I only have 1 minute left on my net account - I will leave it at that.

Hugs Always xx

aussie2, originally uploaded by Mazzy.

Not again... are you serial muriel!!

aussie, originally uploaded by Mazzy.

Random Australian WAFFLE house? WHAT THE...?

kristin, originally uploaded by Mazzy.

My German sister on her visit here!

dam2, originally uploaded by Mazzy.

Dutch Frites

Dutch Frites, originally uploaded by Mazzy.

The very BEST in the world.

Time Poor

Where does the time go?

I have actually not had a minute to myself since I arrived.. it has been pure craziness....

No time to update
No time to email
No time to think
No time to breathe

BUT

that is because life has been soooo busy, and so good.

LOVING IT... but I think tomorrow night after dinner with Sarika and Tom I should take some ME time....

I Heart Amsterdam!!!

Captain Tired

So a weekend is supposed to revitalise you right?

WRONG!!!!

Well not my weekend anyway.... it was go go go!

Highlights...

* Kristin (German sister) coming to Amsterdam. SO EXCITING!!
* ABN drinks on Friday night :-)
* Wagamammas with Mic, Nico and Tom. Good fun!
* Finally getting a bedspread and pillows!!! SO HAPPY, and COMFY now!
* Kristin time on Saturday, getting traditional dutch fries with an amazing frites sauce... YUMMY!
* Saturday night pubbing and clubbing with the other trainees in Amsterdam.... we all got home at 5am....so a really good night but crazy amounts of walking.
* Sunday Chillout day, and movies 'Kingdom of Freedom' with Orlando Bloom.

Have to run..........

Sisters Reunion!!!

Guess what!!!

I am at an internet cafe in AMSTERDAM with my GERMAN sister Kristin, who I met in CANADA!!!! How crazy is that!!

She left at 12 today to come and visit for the weekend...

We are in this net cafe because we needed an excuse to borrow someones nokia charger so we can contact people tonight. Strange, but well its me, so expected I guess.

We are both completely knackered for different reasons, and are about to go and get some Maccas cups and buy a bottle of wine :-) YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!! Energy baby!

It is sooooo strange, because it feels like no time has passed ... and now we are in Europe together again!!!

SO HAPPY!!

Did I mention that Europe is the BEST place to be.... my god, how could I ever have doubted?

Getting better all the time...

... so yesterday was amazing, and totally followed that tradition of great building upon great.

Another fantastic day at work. First attending a meeting designing a training for internationals coming to ABN AMROs head office - just like AIESEC: objectives, flow, agenda, materials, responsibles, theme.... awesome stuff.

Then in the afternoon attending some trainings run by an external company Mind Gym. I met Maria(Spain), Marcio (Brazil) and Gugo (Brazil) at the first training on Feedback which Mikaela, Ilona and I attended from our department. It was awesome being in a room with AIESECers again, and as can be expected we all got really involved and participating in the sessions.

Then in the afternoon it was reading and making notes on the Talent Management Process we will be implementing - which by the way is pretty impressive. I am going to LEARN ALOT here, I can feel it.

Tonight I was going to go to the movies with Mikaela but instead opted for an easy night in to recover from all the actions and early mornings. Went to Dam Square on the way home to watch the Queen and the Remeberance Day celebrations.

Tomorrow promises to be great - going to Haarlem with Gugo and Maria. Then in the night dinner with Mikaela, then attending the Liberty Concert with a large group of AIESECers.

Friday night is ABN Welcome Drinks in the bar on the 24th floor of our building, and then Saturday is an AIESEC Day for Liberation and Dutch cultural stuff. Kristin is also coming for the weekend, and possibly Mimi. WOO HOO!!!

Oh and I am joining Mikaelas rugby team to get more fit :-)

Man, I can feel how much I am going to simply ADORE being here - all this, and my fave people are still to arrive!!!

Amsterdam is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO good.

THAT'S why I am here...

First day at work...

One word...

AMAZING!!!

Now I know why I am here, and I am more than pumped about it.

I was meant for this environment.

I could not imagine feeling more at home, more quickly than I do in the HR department here at ABN AMRO.

The day was simply fantastic-

I had individual meetings with everyone on the team - getting to know people and what they do.

I was taken out to lunch by my kind of supervisors (not that they want to be called that at all!)- Kilian and Claire and we ended up talking about our love stories, and they told me about how they proposed to their life partners.

I was talking about a global leadership program with a guy, Peter, who has the job I would dream about travelling and training across the world.

I have signed up Linda, a dutch colleague involved in Talent Development training and advising for Improv theatre sessions with me.... which is awesome!

I met Micaela (another Irish trainee in my unit) who is super cool

I have all my reading material - talent development toolbox, ABN AMRO People agenda, strategic plan.

THIS IS WHY I AM HERE....

Plus there is a Danish woman and Polish woman who are heads of different HR stuff - so I spoke some native words with them.

Man, I love it already and I have only just begun...

This is the professional craziness, the travel, the people, the fun open environment, driven that I have been craving for.

I am super oober doober pumped.

Monday - and so it begins....

... my new European chapter.

At 9am to be exact meeting my trainee buddie, Marenne, hopping on the back of her bike, riding insanely through downtown Amsterdam, and getting all my logistics in order.

Meeting Tanja, ex MCP of Macedonia who is also starting at ABN AMRO tomorrow and getting excited that we knew each other, and for our experience ahead.

You know, yesterday I was pretty upset - but I think I really know why. For the last month I have barely spent a minute alone, I have constantly be surrounded by people. And having that day alone just really contradicted to all the chaos in my life in the last month, and to be honest created a feeling that I was alone. That yes, I was about to start to build my life again... and hey, actually did I really want to? Had I made the right decision? Was I doing what would really make me the happiest?

But today I am sure i am.

Spending the day with my dutch buddy, tonight attending the trainee drinks at a local pub, knowing the cool people that are in and are coming to Netherlands, knowing how easy it will be for me to travel to the places that I have always dreamed about, knowing that my working situtation is going to ACTUALLY challenge me for once... well it is worth it.

Plus it is afterall a short term reality - and after that I will decide which part of the world that I want to be in, that suits me best.

But for now, I am actually getting excited and slightly nervous for my start tomorrow.... but thats a good thing, because once again I know I care.

I know that I am actually passionate about why I am here, and ready to really take the new experience on with BOTH HANDS.

SO I am:

- Taking French Classes
- Joining the International Theatre Group
- Joining the Australian Embassy Group
- Joining the Amsterdam Hash House Harriers
- Joining the Canadian Expats group (hey I feel like I am part Canadian now...!)

as a start to making a life here.

So.... HERE I GO!!!

I am ALMOST ready...

So I have been out walking for a few hours, and taking a look at my new home.

And I am feeling better.

You know the feeling of chatting for hours with a good friend, and then going home. Sometimes you really notice the silence.

I think that is how I am at the moment.

I have had so much wonderful noise around me in the last month, that now I notice the silence more.

It is a stark contrast, a hit in the face. A severe hit in the face.

BUT once I get noise - start work, meet others in Amsterdam, get involved in French classes, get involved in the International Theatre group I have researched - I will build up all the noises of home.

And that process, starts tomorrow.

So today is letting go of Montreal, and tomorrow is EMRACING AMSTERDAM.

Gosh, talk about a massive emotional day.

But being in Europe over the summer is going to be amazing, being in a new work environment is what I need, travel is at my doorstep.

It is exciting, I AM lucky. I know that.

Tonight is about moving on from Montreal, and getting that frame of mind ready to embrace the new experience ahead. One that I am sure will be another amazing chapter in my life.

THANK YOU everyone for your hugs and support.

I LOVE YOU!!!

Hugs Mazzy xx

Safe but Emotional

So I have arrived in Amsterdam.

I am safe.

I am emotional.

Finally let out all the tears for leaving the place which actually felt the most like home since I left home - Montreal.

Realising what I left - the people, the place, my Maison de Fou home....

Trying to be open to the new experience ahead.

Finding it hard.

Am alone in an internet cafe.

Have the most dogy room in the world as my new place. Trying to change it.

Upset.

Emotional.

Reflective.

Alone.

Missing people.

Missing a certain person.

But I am safe.

I have arrived.

I am letting out all tears tonight.

I am getting ready to embrace my new world.

But it does not stop the sense of loss at leaving a place I did not know how much I loved.

Until now.