Host Curse

To be honest, I enjoy organising social activities and events. I get alot of joy from bringing people together and alot of energy from people when I am around them.

Under most circumstances I find it highly motivating; and thoroughly invigorating.

But sometimes, it is the worst thing EVER!

I mean yesterday was a fine example. I organised for a group of people to come over, but I was SOOO down from work, that what I longed for was time alone. But I knew that I had to have people over, and the thought of cancelling it at the last minute was not even an option.

It's strange, being host I find it to be my responsibility to make sure everyone is having a good time

But how do you do that, when you feel empty yourself on the inside?

How do you entertain people? Make them laugh? Create a positive atmosphere?

I actually think last night I was quite successful at doing this - I kept my mask up pretty well, and only a few times did my true emotional state show.

I found myself making frequent trips to my bedroom and the bathroom to 'organise stuff' - just to get some much needed maz grounding time.

Last night I realised, that there is nothing worse than not expressing your true feelings, and as soon as everyone left I turned to my roomie and just let it all out. All the days frustrations, all my emotions that my birthday is bringing up.... I simply needed to let it out.

My roomie is like : Maz, just cancel if you are feeling bad.

Maz, just say you are feeling sick

Funny that I did not even really consider these options...