The Spark

Sometimes you can lose your spark
You lose your momentum
You wonder why you are going to a job you don't like, with people who do not inspire you, doing things that you could do with your eyes shut.

Sometimes you lose your spark
You forget what it was you wanted to do
You wonder how it could be that you have gotten so far away from what your heart tells you to do, what really makes you happy.

Over the last few weeks I can honestly say that I had lost my spark. I had lost my drive for life in Amsterdam. I started to become resigned. Resigned to my situation, to my job, to my organisation, to my people.

But sometimes that spark can be re-ignited.

My spark is now once again strong.

Two key things happened yesterday to remind me of who I am, or rather more true to say, who I was not so long ago.

1. The Negative Catalyst

I have been working intensively on a diversity toolkit at ABN AMRO, and have done 95% of the kit solo. But my supervisor has attached his name, and yesterday had a meeting with the big boss to get feedback. I cannot tell you how incredibly demotivating it was to have my work talked about without me in the room, and by someone that had taken quite a minor role overall in it's development. To have that work passed off as equal, and to not even hear the feedback about it which I really wanted to know. After the meeting, my supervisor approached me with three small corrections, but no major changes. It had passed, it was good. But no positive feedback, no thank you for your contribution. Only... there are three small corrections to be made.

Demotivated.

2. The Positive Catalyst

Ready to explode from anger, and starting to 'sign off' ABN AMRO in my mind, I headed to a diversity meeting with other passionate trainees in the bank. We spent 5 or so hours discussing diversity, looking at it in the bank, looking at what we could do as AIESECers to make a more inclusive environment, to play a role. I have not thought so much in ages, I actually could feel myself being re-energised in the process of the meeting. Bergio said, Maz... I see you as you were in Denmark again... you are back!!! You are inspired.

It was true. I was motivated.

But what I got back was my spark.

My belief in myself, in what I want and can do.
My knowledge that I need to USE my bank experience
My awareness that I need to challenge the top people

My spark, that I can do anything was back.

And finally, I feel that feeling I had so often on my national teams... I am again in control of my experiences, and making things happen.

Happy, and content.
Speaking fast, moving quickly, laughing often

I feel re-energised, and I know I am again starting to shine.

GO SPARK GO!!