Don't dream it's over...
So, I am back in Amsterdam...
To try and capture what the last 3 weeks in Australia meant to me, the impact they have had, and the questions they have raised in my mind in regards to my future - well, it's too much for this jet lagged dreary traveller to write.
But I do want to say that going 'home' to Sydney this time... to the city, the family, the culture was the MOST amazing experience - and I think in part because my absence was so long. I had simply forgotten things about Australia and Sydney.
It seemed that the longer I was away, the less vivid my memories of home would be - and consequently the more detached and disconnected I became. People at work would often ask 'Why have you not been home? Don't you miss it? Don't you want to see your family?' - I mean, of course the answer to that is Yes, I want to go home, Yes I do miss it, Yes I want to see my family.
But in a weird way, the more time that passed, the less real everything became to me. Honest Truth.
I could remember it all of course, but I couldn't FEEL it anymore.
Thats why, I had SUCH a strong desire to go home this year - I could not FEEL it anymore. I could not smell the smells, hear the sounds, feel the sensations of home. It was another lifetime, another world, and perhaps on some level - another me.
Needless to say then, that going home was an exciting and anxious time.
Would things be the same?
Had people changed?
How would I fit in?
I was different, how could I show that?
How could I explain my choices?
How would I react to an interaction with my past after such a separation?
But the time away, the disconnection gave me one important gift - that is, of seeing my home as if for the first time.
Everything felt fresh and new.
Was it always this sunny?
Was it always this HOT?
Were the beaches always as beautiful?
Were the people always as friendly?
Was the food always as good?
Was Mum always so helpful & good to talk too?
Was Dad always such a rock for the family?
Was Nicky and Nath always so much fun?
Was the accent always so strong?
I found myself like a tourist.
Dad, take a photo of that... don't miss the bridge, get mum in the Opera House.
Aussie stuff... Mum, can you buy it?
It was insane.
It's safe for me to say now that these weeks were JUST what I needed.
I feel more myself than I have in ages.... really thanks to my family, whose close presence I missed in my life.
I am evaluating my future experiences with new eyes...
A lot of thinking is needed...after SLEEP!
To try and capture what the last 3 weeks in Australia meant to me, the impact they have had, and the questions they have raised in my mind in regards to my future - well, it's too much for this jet lagged dreary traveller to write.
But I do want to say that going 'home' to Sydney this time... to the city, the family, the culture was the MOST amazing experience - and I think in part because my absence was so long. I had simply forgotten things about Australia and Sydney.
It seemed that the longer I was away, the less vivid my memories of home would be - and consequently the more detached and disconnected I became. People at work would often ask 'Why have you not been home? Don't you miss it? Don't you want to see your family?' - I mean, of course the answer to that is Yes, I want to go home, Yes I do miss it, Yes I want to see my family.
But in a weird way, the more time that passed, the less real everything became to me. Honest Truth.
I could remember it all of course, but I couldn't FEEL it anymore.
Thats why, I had SUCH a strong desire to go home this year - I could not FEEL it anymore. I could not smell the smells, hear the sounds, feel the sensations of home. It was another lifetime, another world, and perhaps on some level - another me.
Needless to say then, that going home was an exciting and anxious time.
Would things be the same?
Had people changed?
How would I fit in?
I was different, how could I show that?
How could I explain my choices?
How would I react to an interaction with my past after such a separation?
But the time away, the disconnection gave me one important gift - that is, of seeing my home as if for the first time.
Everything felt fresh and new.
Was it always this sunny?
Was it always this HOT?
Were the beaches always as beautiful?
Were the people always as friendly?
Was the food always as good?
Was Mum always so helpful & good to talk too?
Was Dad always such a rock for the family?
Was Nicky and Nath always so much fun?
Was the accent always so strong?
I found myself like a tourist.
Dad, take a photo of that... don't miss the bridge, get mum in the Opera House.
Aussie stuff... Mum, can you buy it?
It was insane.
It's safe for me to say now that these weeks were JUST what I needed.
I feel more myself than I have in ages.... really thanks to my family, whose close presence I missed in my life.
I am evaluating my future experiences with new eyes...
A lot of thinking is needed...after SLEEP!
8 Comments:
Accent? What accent? :-)
I'm so happy that you got to enjoy Sydney at its best and to catch up with family and friends.
Yes, Sydney has always been beautiful. We just don't think it and feel it until we're not there...
Mazzy, I'll speak to you when Al and I get back from Hong Kong!
Hugs xoxo
Agree with Lil, Sydney is and always will be home. And as Lil said to me ... home is where the heart is which is why you will always miss it.
But the best part is babe, the world is your oyster. So decide what you want and where you want it. You CAN have the best of both worlds and make it back there every year if you choose ... OR you can live there and travel the world as you please.
I am in the same boat ... missing home - both NYC and Sydney, missing family, missing friends who really understand you ... missing.
I disagree with Lil... Sydney will never be home for me :P
But I understand what Maz is talking about. My plan isn't to go home till Christmas this year, which will be a year and half since i've been "home". My boss asked me if I didn't miss home and how I couldn't see my parents for so long. But at this stage, i'm ok with it because I knew from the start that I would be away for a long time. So maybe I mentally prepared myself.
But its really good that you got to go home... also how its affected your decisions for the future. Its great how you're set on a certain course, but because of an experience, it makes you question your decision more. It makes you re-evaluate things. And thats always good!!
Hoping to see you soon in Amsterdam!
*hugs* Vivi
Hi Maz,
It's great that despite the worries, going "home" was as great as it was! And now you know that if you want to go back, Sydney and the people there that you love will welcome you with open arms :)
Enjoy feeling like an "Aussie" again, we're a lucky few!!
Luv flic xxx
Maz, move to Melbourne and come work with me. We dont have a HR Role and we surely need it, and its a pretty dry atmosphere *sigh* Investment Banking and Tax. But we have some pretty cool clients. I get to see celebrities!
And I'm sure Luke, Ee, Luyen, Jacs, Sueanne, Lato (when he moves here), Flo, Tim (yes, I hang out with him), etc will simply welcome you here!
Huy
Oh yea, and all the trainees that we hang out with. There are six of them, with another to come. And all the internationals: the Germans, the Dutch and this little HK gal. So its a pretty international affair!
Huy
hey Mazz
Nice to hear we didnt loose you totally to your home country and that you are back in Europe.
I hope to get time to visit you in Amsterdam soon.
From snowy Iceland (-3 degrees)
Mark
Thanks guys for your thoughts... I appreciate it.
Adjusting back to Europe, my heart still in Oz though... it may take a few weeks to recover!
Love you all
Hugs Maz xx
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